Sit down baby I'll rock your boat
by Rue Sue
Summary: Benny Southstreet and Nicely-Nicely Johnson already face the many daily challenges that one would expect gamblers to face, the law, the streets, unpleasant people but can they face their feelings for each other. rated T for good reason.
1. Chapter 1

Sit down baby; I'll rock your boat.

Chapter One

**A/N: This was one of those ships that I didn't know I shipped until it was too late. I'm currently in a school production of guys and dolls that opens in about four weeks so while I was sick at home I decided to search for some fanfics cos why not. Some of what I found was BaconWrappedRainbows' stories about Bicely. And then bam I shipped it. Soon I ran out of fics. So I'm giving writing a shot. Like those fics I'm keeping Nicely skinny. There will be similarities between this fic and some of BaconWrappedRainbows' stuff especially near the beginning because that's what I was inspired by and it was sort of a starting point for me to build on. **

**Rough appearance: Nicely is a stick with crazy sticky up hair and an adorable smile, if Andrew Garfield was real life good looking rather than movie star good looking this would be him. Benny has a sturdier build and a nice roundish face which looks really kind and trust worthy.  
Enjoy. **

**I know this chapter is kinda short. sorry. **

–**Rue Sue. **

* * *

Nicely was kicked out of his dad's home in the summer of 1948 when he turned 18, he took easily to the New York streets, working as a barista at a popular café and had a small but decent apartment nearby. At first he didn't have much money but he wasn't struggling and then winter came around. Nicely quickly learnt that everything is more expensive in winter, he needed warmer clothes, blankets, heating and then fresh fruit and vegetables were more expensive as well as his working hours being shortened. He never had quite enough to eat until he was forced to start going to the save-a-soul soup kitchens for dinner. Nicely then learnt that he was lonely, he had no friend to watch his back, no doll to go to the pictures with, no one who he talked to.

Then one evening at work his boss had to leave early for family matters, he passed Nicely the keys and told him and his work mate Freddy Walter to clean and lock up. They did and then Freddy pulled some cards out of his pocket and asked Nicely if he was down for some gambling. Nicely was hesitant but accepted the offer and found he was reasonably good at it. Soon it became a tradition that the two would gamble together in the evenings and soon it became apparent that Nicely was very good at this.

One day Freddy asked him to come along to one of Nathan Detroit's floating crap games. At the crap game Nicely won big and became I surprisingly popular with the other gamblers for someone who had just cleaned them out. Nathan Detroit knew this new face wouldn't always be blessed with lady luck at his side forever and c'mon the kid was only what 17? 18? years old. So he took him under his wing and employed him to spread news of his crap games with the gamblers in town.

* * *

Benny started working in a barbershop in New York in 1947 when he was 21. He was gay but kept that to himself and figured that it couldn't stop him from making money and having fun. 1948 found him gambling at some of Nathan Detroit's crap games, because of his job which allowed him to talk to individuals while cutting their hair Nathan hired him alongside Nicely to get him to spread news of his crap games.

Benny and nicely became good friends and ended up sharing an apartment together. Despite their friendship and total trust in one another Benny decided to stay on the safe side and not tell even Nicely that he was a Nancy, he was afraid of getting disrespect, the world hated poofs and if the people didn't like him for he'd lose his job with Nathan and where would he be then? Benny did slightly fancy his best friend, you know, like you do… but he told himself that soon he'd get over Nicely and find a nice guy who didn't like dolls either.

* * *

Now it was early 1950 and Nathan had just had a very successful crap game. Nicely, Benny and Nathan had money in their pockets and now they were off to celebrate. They were sitting in their favorite bar, The Red Cat, drinking and chattering about when the next game would be on.

"Hey Nathan, now that you got all these potatoes you should probably buy a big present to apologize to Miss Adelaide for still not marrying her." Benny joked as he sipped on his typical nonalcoholic drink: Coca Cola.

"No, no she'll only ask where they came from" Nathan sighed.

"Yeah you're probably right" he said "Hey Nathan where are we going to hold the next crap game? Now that Brannigan knows about the back of Betty's diner"

"I dunno."

"Maybe in the backrooms at the old drama school!"

"Benny, how are we going to get into the drama school?"

"Good point Nathan. How 'bout Leroy's packaging warehouse?"

"Leroy's brother got arrested for crap games in Chicago and now the police think Leroy's involved with them. He told me to stay far, far away from him."

This conversation between Benny and Nathan continued for a while during which Nicely continued to drink and drink and drink and get quite drunk. Really Nicely hadn't actually drunk _that much_ but his young age and stick like shape had rendered him a lightweight. Only when they were leaving and Nicely started stumbling did they realize he how pissed he was.

"Well sue me Benny, He's a lighter weight than I thought" said Nathan sighing "Benny can you get him home all right?"

"Alright Nathan, that I am happy do" said Benny "come on Nicely"

Nicely took a few lurching and unsteady steps toward him so Benny put an arm around his shoulders to stabilize him so he wouldn't fall as they walked to their apartment which was a few blocks away so the distance wasn't worth hailing a cab for.

About 10 minutes later they stumbled up the stairs to the second level of their small and friendly apartment building and got to the front door of their apartment. Benny carefully leant Nicely against a wall where he slumped down into a sitting position while Benny fished around in his pockets for the key.

"Benny?..." said Nicely hazily from where he was slumped.

"yeah?" said Benny not really concentrating on his friend as focused on finding his key.

"I'm pissed aren't I?

Benny chuckled softly and turned to Nicely "yep, you lightweight you."

"Thanks for getting me home, you're a good friend"

"Thanks Nicely" Benny found his key in the bottom of his back pocket and unlocked the door. "c'mon"

Rather than stand Nicely just lifted his arms in a tired manner, demanding to be pulled up. Benny pulled him up a little too fast and ended up stumbling backwards a few steps with Nicely in his arms. When he regained full balance he just picked up Nicely bridal style and carried him in, kicking the door closed behind him. He carried him down the corridor and into Nicely's room on the left side, he carried him to the bed and took of his shoes and started to take off his jacket when he suddenly froze, Nicely was nuzzling his face into the crook of Benny's neck.

It sent shivers down his spine and if he had been speaking he would have choked up and started stuttering. Benny's skin felt electric, he could feel Nicely's eyelashes fluttering against his skin, the shape of his nose pressing into his neck, Nicely's lips on his bare skin. Benny wanted to stay like this forever, he wanted to hold him and kiss him but instead he just sighed and moved Nicely away from him and onto the bed in what looked like a comfortable sleeping position before standing up.

Gosh the kid looked small lying there on the bed; he was only 19, all arms and legs, messy hair framing his face like a halo as he lay there now snoring softly. Benny tucked him and left, wishing for the entire world that he didn't feel the way he did about his friend.

Benny went to bed and didn't sleep. He had been reasonably attracted to his friend and now with the unexpected intimate moment did he realize how deep the feeling ran, was he in love? He didn't know. Why couldn't guys liking guys be more acceptable in this society?

He lay there unable to sleep until daylight came around again and he got up and made breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay this is quite soon after the first chapter but I just want to get the story rolling and it's the weekend so i thought I might just go ahead and post the second chapter. In the future I'll probably post a chapter a week. Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad that people actually read it and like it.  
**

**-Rue Sue**

Nicely woke up with a terrible headache, he thought it was the end of the world and then actually opened his eyes and almost died from the harsh light which was obviously trying to kill him in his weak and hung-over state. He lay there in pain for a few minutes until he slowly sat up, grimacing at life in general but happy to see that we was in his own room in his own apartment with a nice smell coming from the direction of the kitchen...

_A nice smell coming from the kitchen…_

THERE WAS FOOD BEING COOKED! He got out of bed and realized he was still in his clothes, including his tie. He took off his tie and shirt and wandered into the kitchen dressed in his rumpled trousers and his singlet. Benny was there cooking a delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs.

"Morning Benny" he said and found his voice to crack from being so dry so he sat down at the counter and poured himself some milk.

"Good morning Nicely-Nicely how are you?" Benny said as he cracked a couple of eggs into the pan.

"Nicely, nicely, thank you" said Nicely, cringing as he found that his neck hurt from sleeping the wrong way last night.

"Really?"

"No, I feel like I've been hit by a bus" Nicely drank his milk and put the cup before crossing his arms over the bench and slumping down so his head was resting on them. From where he was slumped he could see the back of Benny where he stood at the stove cooking.

Nicely liked that Benny could cook, he'd heard a lot of men say that is was a women's job but he reckoned that they were just lazy bums who needed an excuse for not being able to prepare their own meals. Nicely himself couldn't cook particularly well at all but Benny could and so Nicely was always grateful and did the dishes after every meal.

He looked towards Benny, noting how the red in his short stylish hair stood out in the warm morning light that flooded through the window. Benny stood strongly, everything that Benny did was strong; he moved strongly, he rubbed the back of his neck strongly and he even cooked bacon strongly. His friend had a smile that could make the sun come out on a cloudy day, It was bright and it made Nicely feel warm and safe like there were no problems in the world.

His friend was very good looking he admitted to himself, It was mildly irritating that his best friend who he spent a lot of time around made him look quite plain in comparison but it was also quite nice being able to appreciate the handsome looks of his friend every day (Secretly of course, guys tended to find it a bit weird when other guys told them they were good looking) With these thoughts he concluded that if he or Benny were a doll he would definitely date him.

Benny plonked a plate of bacon and eggs down in front of him, startling him out of his train of thought.

Nicely started shovel the food into his mouth "Why the bacon and eggs?" he asked between large mouthfuls, this was not a normal occurrence.

"I felt like it" Benny replied.

"Are you sure? There's no special day or thing I missed? A birthday? Special holiday? Is it Christmas? It better not be Christmas!"

Benny couldn't reply because he was chewing his food and before he could finish Nicely went off again.

"It is Christmas!" Exclaimed Nicely "It's bloody Christmas, I can't believe that I forgot Christmas, I swear it was Christmas was just a few months ago!"

"NO! No, no, no! Nicely it's not Christmas" said Benny, cutting him off from saying any more ramblings.

"Ah Good, well maybe a bit of a shame really, it would've been nice to be surprised with such a fine day as Christmas" Nicely sighed.

"I thought you hated Christmas"

"That was until last Christmas where I spent it with decent people for the first time, rather than my father who kicked me out as soon as he could."

"That's a shame that you consider bums like me, Rusty and Gill decent company. Why'd your father kick you outta house and home anyway?" Benny asked, not for the first time.

"This is really good bacon" said Nicely, not wanting to talk about that particular subject. He was glad Benny didn't press him for answers; it was a close rather private topic which he really didn't want to share even to his best friend because it was something that he could lose his best friend over.

* * *

Benny was completely and utterly stuck, he could not comprehend his new and intense feelings for his friend. This was mostly because he didn't want to comprehend how he felt about Nicely. He had already spent the night tossing and turning as he pondered about what he had felt when Nicely had nuzzled into his neck and by morning he had almost convinced himself that really he didn't like Nicely in that way, his feelings were absolutely, most definitely, completely purely platonic. This attitude lasted until Benny was cooking a delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs and Nicely walked into the kitchen in his frumpled trousers and slightly to big singlet which not only made him look tired in an adorable manner but also showed off his shoulders and collarbones in a very, very enticing manner.

Benny wanted to forget about the bacon he was cooking and push Nicely up against a wall and kiss him and kiss him until his lips were red and sore, he wanted run his hands through they crazy mop of hair on Nicely's head, he wanted to feel that man's skin under his lips.

Ugh! He needed to stop thinking these things otherwise he might do them and the consequences would be unbearable; losing a friend, losing respect and losing his job. He knew what people thought about gays, he knew what people did to gays. Men like him got beat up, made fun of and in serious cases killed out of hate. Not that any poofs could control being poofs, not that it was their fault. Benny just needed to stop thinking about Nicely this way, he just needed to go and get drunk and pretend that nothing was the way it really was.

He needed to go and get drunk and hopefully forget how badly he wanted to kiss Nicely and hold him. He wanted to pretend that he didn't want to make moans and gasps slip off those sweet, sweet lips. He knew no matter how much he drank he wouldn't be able to forget but he still went out anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N wow. This was a mission to write. anyway enjoy. **

* * *

Benny wasn't stupid, he knew it was a dumb idea to get drunk on a week night when he had work the next day so for the rest of the week he stayed at work at the barbershop longer, came home later and left the next day earlier. He avoided Nicely and because Nathan hadn't organized his next crap game he didn't have to go out and talk to people and tell them about it. On Friday he finished work earlier than normal and went to the grotty pub down the road instead of heading home.

When he walked into the familiar pub the familiar stench of people not caring how things smelt hit him. The smell of sweat, alcohol and something which should've been thrown away months ago had mixed into an odor so foul it made him gag.

_Another thing to drink away. _He thought to himself.

"Hey! Hey Benny!" called someone that Benny didn't really recognize "I haven't seen you around here for ages. How long has it been? A year?" Benny sighed and didn't acknowledge him, he was probably just some bum that he might once have known.

_Yet another thing to drink away._ He thought as he approached the bar.

He downed drink after drink and began to feel better. Soon everything had faded into a comfortable blur, soon after that it turned into a sickening blur so he stumbled outside, emptied his stomach in the gutter and hailed a cab home.

Benny wasn't entirely sure how he managed to unlock the door in his intoxicated state but he got inside and to his room with only a few sudden walls appearing right in front him for him to walk into. He reached his bed and collapsed on it like a dead weight and slept like log, completely missing Nicely sneaking in and tucking him in and turning off the light.

He awoke with a splitting head ache and tried very hard that morning to avoid Nicely which was very hard because he would not stop asking Benny if he was alright. Benny ended up yelling at Nicely to leave him alone then felt horrible, he hadn't wanted to yell at Nicely, he wanted the kid to be happy and leave him alone with his bad mood and hangover.

When evening came he repeated the previous night's adventure, only this time he didn't manage to unlock the front door when he came home because of the disappearance of his keys. (which really had just fallen out of his pocket as he was searching for them and were now on the ground at his feet.) He didn't want to disturb Nicely or talk to him so he just sat down and slept outside in the uncomfortable cold. The morning came and he woke up in his own bed because of his awful headache forgot to wonder how he could've fallen asleep and been moved from his uncomfortable sleep outside his and Nicely's apartment and into his own bed warm comfy bed.

As soon as his headache faded enough so that he could he get up and leave he got up and left the apartment. Benny went onto the streets and watched the people. Sightseers saw, rich southern tourists had their valuables stolen and a blind woman looked both ways before she crossed a road. For Benny this was normal life, New York had its beauty and attraction but he knew the underside; tricksters, scammers and gamblers. He knew because he was part of it. Some days like today he wished he wasn't part of it. He wished he could still be the young innocent 21 year old who had come to New York with big plans and an opened mind. He now felt sick but stayed out on the streets, fighting the urge to run from the streets which had taken so much from him and go home and Find Nicely or Nathan and just be around the people who had given it all back to him.

* * *

He remembered when he had first stepped off the train and into the heart of NYC, one small suitcase with all his belongings and no job experience except for helping out at his second cousin's barbershop. His small home town had had nothing to offer him and when Benny accidentally came out as gay the very scarce open doors of golden opportunity had closed with shouts of homophobia and the town had even less to offer him. Benny was excited for a new start, he was excited for new people, new money, a new life; he found a cheap apartment and had not let the mold on the walls deter him from believing that he was happy.

Benny had found work building roads, the work was hard on him but it paid for his food and his rent. That was until he had been attacked and mugged on the way home from work, he ended up in hospital with back injuries from where his attacker had thrown him on the ground and a large cut on his front from the attacker's knife. The doctor told him that if he wanted any chance of truly healing he wasn't allowed to do strenuous exercise such as was required at work. But the full effect of being mugged had not been the physical injuries but the mental ones, when he closed his eyes he could see his attacker punching him and throwing him on the ground, he could feel the repetitive kicking in his side and could hear ugly laughter as they took his wallet and the angry shouts when they realized he had barely any money in it. Benny could remember how the anger had caused the attacker to pull out a knife and hold it to his throat before cutting a long line from his right shoulder to his belly button. The cut was not deep but bled a lot and he ended up with an awful scar which he couldn't look at with feeling sick for at least a year after that.

But what was worst was that he could remember his attacker telling him he knew him as the gay one from his home town and how he deserved to be stabbed because he was a gay. The attacker actually used much stronger language than that but Benny didn't like to think about it. At night he couldn't sleep and when he did he'd wake up crying and shaking and he started jumping at any noise and was afraid when he was out at night. He lost his job within only two months of having it and found himself with very little money and the next rent due in a week.

Benny hit the streets to find work and found alcohol as well as work in a barber shop that had been doomed to close before they found him and his previous experience with cutting hair. Benny now had money but with it came the knowledge that alcohol could blur the past. Every evening he would go out to the grotty old pub down the road drink until the walk home in the dark didn't scare him. Soon he settled into a repeating world where he would wake up in a cold sweat with the knife in his mind's eye and fighting with the pain of his hangover. He would make it to work feeling like he had finally hit the very bottom and would cut strangers hair before heading back to the pub again in the evening. This continued through the second half of the year and right into April 1946. The drinking didn't stop there but that month was of note to him because that was the month he got onto the gambling scene and started doing crap games.

Benny lost a lot of money in the first months of his gambling but stuck because it was the first time since he was a kid that he had been accepted by a group of people. He started having friendships with these people who he knew he could trust to watch his back. His long evenings that he previously spent getting tanked up with beer started being filled with social activities. A few of his new friends decided to pop into his barbershop next time they got a haircut, increasing its popularity and business. By September his new social standing drew the attention of the man who ran these crap games; Nathan Detroit. Nathan offered him the chance to work for him as long as he started spending more time sober than drunk. At first Benny refused but as winter came along the cost of living increased and he lost too much money through crap games he turned desperate and stopped going out and drinking and waltzed up to Nathan and asked about the job.

Not drinking was hard Benny found. At first he had been determined to be sober and stay off the drink but after getting the job he struggled a lot. One night he woke up from nightmares about his stabbing and couldn't stop himself from heading to the cabinet and drinking most of the beer he had left. The next morning he tipped remainder down the sink. His nightmares and alcohol cravings made him become ill tempered, tired and nervous and made him wish he could drink it all away again. Sometimes life was hellish for this recovering alcoholic and some days it was alright, however his first truly happy day was Christmas when he woke up and didn't feel the need to drink but instead felt good old Christmas cheer.

It was only late February when Nicely came to his first crap game. Benny watched as the young man grew strangely popular with everyone after talking in a lot of their money. Nathan had also noticed this and mentioned it to Benny

"That young man, he's got a knack at making friends. It's hard to believe that the men who are talking with him just lost a lot of money to him" Nathan said.

"I do agree with you there Nathan, how old do you think he is, he looks like a kid and a skinny kid at that. Look he's all skin and bone, do you think he's a runaway?" Benny replied.

"Let's go find out" Nathan said before going off to walk to him, motioning for Benny to come with him.

As they talked to him they developed a huge soft spot for him, Nathan's soft spot was so large that when he found out Nicely was only 18 he offered him a job working alongside Benny right there and then.

Benny and Nicely became good friends very quickly over a series of funny adventures they had, this included Nicely driving away a crazy woman who thought Benny was her son and Benny convincing the organizer of a local baking competition that he and Nicely were tasters and consequently got them a lot of delicious cake. When he had particularly bad nightmares he told Nicely everything about his stabbing though refused to show him the scar on request.

"It's ugly, you wouldn't want to see it" he said and when Nicely persisted he said "It makes me feel sick in the stomach when I look at it"

The real reason that Benny didn't want to show his is because he didn't want to scare off his friend and he didn't want Nicely asking him questions that would end in him telling Nicely that he was gay.

Over time Benny had developed a bit of a crush on his friend, he found him attractive and thought he was the best person he had ever met. He had beautiful eyes that Benny could've looked into all day and fantastic hair that he wanted to run his fingers through. Whenever Nicely was upset about something Benny wanted to be able to hold Nicely in his arms and tell him "It's okay, I love you, you're perfect". When Nicely started going out to town with a few dolls he wanted to say "no, don't do that, you can go out to town with me" and when he heard Nicely singing around the house he wished he could ask Nicely to sing for him but he stayed quiet about all of it and pretended that the feeling didn't exist.

By summer the two of them were renting an apartment together and were rustling up a ton of gamblers for Nathan's games. From Nicely's kind and caring influence Benny's nightmares stopped that summer and the next winter they didn't come back. Life was finally good.

Life was finally good except that just last night he had gotten drunk like anything even though he had sworn to himself to never get drunk ag_a_in.

Life was finally good except for the fact that he was walking on the street where he had been stabbed all those years ago and for the first time in a long time felt sick to the stomach with fear and regret.

Life was finally good except for the fact that he had a crush the size of the sun on his best friend in a homophobic culture.

Life was well, shit.


	4. Chapter 4

To say Nicely was very worried about Benny was an understatement. Benny had been drinking to the point where he couldn't stand which freaked Nicely out because Benny never, ever drunk alcohol instead he would always opt for something like Coca Cola and brush off offers of beer like it was nothing.

On Friday night when Nicely had tucked his friend into bed he had been concerned for his friend but had figured that Benny's business was Benny's own and had tried not to demanded answers off him but had gone a little too far when he tried to make sure that his friend was alright. His friend was not alright and Nicely knew because Benny yelled at him to stop bothering him. Benny rarely yelled at anyone and not ever at Nicely. His harsh words had cut Nicely like a knife and so Nicely knew he had gone too far, he realized that he shouldn't of asked Benny so many questions and that he should have just left him alone. Nicely thought it was probably his fault that that night Benny went again.

Nicely decided to stay up that night for him and wait for him to come home. When Benny didn't come home before 12 he got very worried and at 1 in the morning decided enough was enough and went out to find Benny. As Nicely put on his coat and shoes he began to imagine all the situations Benny could be in, he could still be out, he could've decided to stay at someone else's house, he could be having a romp at some dolls house, or he could be lost, or he could have passed out somewhere, or he could be in a ditch half dead somewhere. Nicely began to panic then. Benny had already been attacked on the street once before, who said he couldn't have been attacked again. Nicely nearly ran out of the door and was surprised when he opened it inwards because a sleeping Benny fell into the apartment.

Nicely jumped but then realized that Benny must have fallen asleep outside the apartment leaning against the door. He was much relieved as he picked up the sleeping form bridal style and carried him in, kicking the door closed behind him. He was glad that Benny was safe and sound but alarmed that he had been sleeping in the cold; he hoped that his friend wouldn't get sick because of it. Nicely carried him down the corridor and into Benny's room on the right side of the hallway, he carried him to the bed and took of his shoes, jacket and tie and tucked him before standing up and rubbing his poor sore back. He always forgot that Benny was heavier than he looked; it was all that muscle he supposed. Nicely looked down at his sleeping friend whose hair was tousled adorably and lips slightly parted in his sleep, he was even good looking in his sleep and it wasn't fair.

Over the year that they had known each other Nicely had grown quite fond of Benny, He was someone who could watch his back and look out for him. He was also someone who was humble and expected nothing in return so Nicely didn't feel substandard when he offered awkward thank yous in return for favors.

Now Nicely needed to know why Benny had started coming home this drunk, sure it was only two days so far but it was annoyingly sudden and he just wanted to make sure his friend was okay and that his friend was not in danger. He went over reasons in his in head. Could it be his fault that Benny's behavior had suddenly changed? Nicely thought back to what he could have recently said and done that could've offended or upset Benny but he could not think of anything.

"Benny, tell me why" he sighed to his sleeping friend as he gently stroked Benny's forehead before leaning over his and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Nicely wasn't sure why he had done that but at the time it had felt right to do so and wrong to leave the room without having done so. Twenty minutes later when Nicely went to his own bed he still felt that the intimate action had been right. He didn't worry about why it was right and whether it really was right but instead slept peacefully.

The next morning Nicely woke up late and only got up in time to see Benny putting on his jacket and walking down the hallway to the front door.

"Hey Benny" he called brightly.

He turned around to look at him. "Hey Nicely" he greeted him with a much less bright tone.

"Are you okay? I'm a bit worried about you"

Benny looked at him blankly for a moment and then realized he had been asked a question "hmm? Oh um…yeah, yeah I'm fine, just sorting through some stuff." He turned back to the door, opened it walked through and failed to close it properly behind him.

Nicely went to the door and looked out. "Benny where are you going?" he called. Benny didn't respond. "Benny!" he called a bit louder. There was still no response from him. Nicely decided that no matter how loud he yelled he wouldn't get through to him "Stay safe benny" he called instead.

Nicely went back inside and made a slightly burnt breakfast and stayed at home all day. When evening came he attempted cooking dinner in time for Benny to stumble through the door. The two ate in silence, Several times Nicely made to speak but was met with a horrible look from Benny's heavy eyes which seemed to speak a warning:

_Don't you dare ask me what's going on, I am not going to tell you. _

Nicely accepted that and was silent through the entire meal time which was not at all normal for him. The silence boomed around him, the ticking clock and the sound of eating filled his senses and made him feel sick. He rushed to finish eating his half cooked bean failure and when he had finished he stood up and picked up his dishes to fast so that the cutlery fell off his plate and on to the ground.

After he put his plate back down on the table and then he bent down to pick up his cutlery but there was already a hand holding them, Benny had got there first. Nicely met Benny's eyes and was met with the most intense stare he had seen, eyes boring into his brain and holding him there pinned and feeling chills down his spine. Benny pretty much shoved the cutlery into his hand and sat up rigidly.

"Thanks" managed Nicely's dry throat before he put his cutlery back on his plate and walked with his dishes to the kitchen sink.

Rather confused and a little frightened he ran the water into the sink until it was so hot that it hurt to touch and started scrubbing his plate more harshly than it deserved. In the background he could hear Benny clearing his dishes and bringing them to him at the kitchen sink.

Nicely turned around to take the plates off Benny who he thought was standing a reasonable distance behind him but found him to be a lot closer than he had thought. He turned and found himself standing so close that he was pretty much touching Benny. Even though Nicely was about the same height as Benny he felt like Benny was currently towering over him. Their closeness felt so right yet how could it be? Nicely felt he needed to be even closer but he didn't know why. He found himself staring back into the intense gaze as if he was daring Benny to come even closer. Strangely it worked and their noses touched building tension which Nicely needed to break, his lips were suddenly dry and his breath faster and shallower. Nicely knew that now would be the time to go in for the kiss but he knew that he just couldn't do it.

_Hang on… the KISS!? _ He thought to himself.

Well it did feel as though a kiss would be appropriate as Benny was…Snaking an arm around his waist?

Benny was reaching around Nicely to put his plates into the sink behind him. The dishes clattered into the sink behind him and Benny moved away, turned and left the room. Nicely just stood there trying to get his breath back to normal. He held the bench so tight that his knuckles went white because he was scared he would fall from the sudden weakness in his knees.

What was Benny playing at, was he tired or still a bit drunk? Nicely didn't know and that frustrated him.

What was he playing at? Why did he feel that he should've kissed Benny? He felt like he had done the wrong thing by not kissing Benny and missed the closeness of their bodies touching.

Nicely decided that he felt he way he did because he hadn't been seeing any dolls recently… recently? He thought about the last time he taken a doll out. Her name had been Alice, she was from Brooklyn, he had taken her dancing. That was early last October, now it was the 19th February. Five months he had been out of the dating game, to preoccupied with the crap game he supposed. It was Funny what a ...year? of gambling could do to someone's priorities. A year, a year, a year! In one week it was whole year since he had first walked into Nathan's crap game. A year since he and Benny met. He and Benny needed to have a one year celebration, you could even call it a anniversary.


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright a long time in coming… Chapter 5. This chapter does have a bit of angry stuff in it so it's probably not that great but oh well. Trigger warning for talking about past depression/ suicidal thoughts. If you don't want to read it but want to know what happens feel free to message me and I'll send you a quick description of what goes on.  
Special thanks to BaconWrappedRainbows for telling me to write it. I've been really busy. My cast performed two weeks ago and then I spent a week recovering. And then I all this school work going on because I had mocks just last week. but it's kinda longish? so please forgive me.  
Thanks for reading!  
-Rue Sue**

* * *

Benny woke up feeling absolutely sick and horrible. His nose was running, his eyes were running and his throat felt raw but he had work at the barbershop so off he went to work. It wasn't long until his boss realized he was sick and sent him home.

Fortunately Nicely was out so Benny didn't worry about having to deal with Nicely. Instead he just sat himself down on the couch in the living room and fell asleep. He was woken awhile later by Nicely who was shaking and slapping him awake.

"Benny, Benny? Wake up… bloody heck you're boiling" Nicely said.

Benny tried telling him to go away but all that came out was a tired and muddled murmuring.

Nicely put his hand to Benny's forehead and lines of concern appeared on his face. "Ah goodness I need to get you into bed, you're sick with a proper fever alright."

Benny lifted his arms in a tired manner, knowing full well that Nicely would demand to carry him to bed so he might as well not fight it. He was gently lifted up and held in the arms of Nicely who struggled slightly with his weight. When Nicely gained full control of the dead weight in his arms Benny was carried bridal style out of the living room and was carried into his room. Nicely kicked the door closed behind him as they made their way to Benny's bed.

Nicely pulled off his shoes and Benny heard them hit the ground along with his jacket and tie but Benny was barely aware of it. He felt cold and sweaty and just wanted to sleep. Nicely was asking him questions but he just couldn't make out the words as the world turned dark and an uneasy sleep came over him.

* * *

When Nicely came home to Benny asleep on the couch. He knew that his flat mate would wake up with an aching back if he continued to sleep there so he made his way over to the couch and starting shaking Benny's shoulder.

"Hey Benny wake up." He said. Benny didn't respond so he started slapping Benny lightly on the face, his face which was awfully hot. "Benny, Benny? Wake up… bloody heck you're boiling" Nicely said.

Benny tried to speak but Nicely couldn't make out the words in the muddled murmuring. He put his palm on Benny's forehead and was surprised by the heat. "Ah goodness I need to get you into bed, you're sick with a proper fever alright." He said and picked him up off the couch and carried him bridal style to Benny's room where he put him down on the bed and took off his shoes, socks, jacket and tie.

He asked Benny a few questions "Benny how did you get so sick?" "Benny why did you go to work this morning?" "Benny is this sickness from you going out when it was extremely cold?" "Benny, Benny, Benny, why did you do this to yourself Benny?" Benny didn't want to reply to any of these questions so he stubbornly ignored Nicely until he fell back asleep.

Nicely left him sleeping there and called the doctor to get some penicillin to bring down his temperature. As the evening advanced Nicely pulled the arm chair from the lounge into Benny's room so he could be around Benny to make sure he was okay. He tried to stay awake by reading but soon he lowered his book and shut his eyes for what was only meant to be a moment but somehow ended being hours.

He was woken the next morning by a knocking loudly on the front door. Nicely sprung up and quickly tried to straighten himself out so he didn't look like he had been sleeping on an armchair fully dressed. He patted down his wild hair and ran to the door yelling "hang on a moment you can stop knocking!"

He opened the door to Nathan who was standing there with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised as he looked at Nicely's frumpled appearance. It was still dark outside he noticed and bloody cold too.

"Good morning Nicely." said Nathan in what was technically a pleasant and kind voice. His sarcasm was not lost on Nicely who yawned loudly an shivered in the morning cold.

"You could say that Nathan, what kind of time is this to wake a sleeping man" Nicely replied

"A man sleeping in his clothes?"

Nicely smiled sheepishly

"It is 5:36 in the morning exactly" Nathan said checking his watch.

"Why?" Nicely asked tiredly.

"Because that is the time of day Nicely. Can I come in?"

The younger man moved from where he was blocking the doorway. Nathan walked by him and into the flat.

"Something has come up with my sister and her son and I have to leave town for a bit, maybe a week? and help them through it, my train leaves in a little less than two hours and I need to make arrangements. I heard that Benny was sick so I thought I'd come over here first and make sure he's okay"

"Since when did you have a sister?"

"Since I was born, she's three years older than me and has a son about your age, he's been causing trouble apparently and she has asked me to visit them and give him a good talking to."

"Wouldn't his father be the one to do that?"

"His father passed away last September"

"I am sad to hear that"

"I don't think they were, he wasn't good for the family. Always travelling abroad, never home and when he was he'd drink the house down"

"Oh dear I had a friend in my childhood whose father was like that, in fact even with all the time I would spend at my friend's house don't ever recall meeting his father."

"I wouldn't wish a man who isn't prepared to stay with his family into any family which is one of the reasons why I still haven't married my doll Adelaide. Please don't tell her I said that Nicely"

"Don't worry Nathan. I won't tell her"

"Anyway How are you Nicely?" said Nathan as they stood outside the door to Benny's room.

"Nicely, nicely. Not too sure about him though" said Nicely gesturing to the man asleep on the bed.

"It's a shame that he's sick, I need to find a place for my next crap game. I was going to give him this list of possible places and get him to go around and try and find me a place. Now I guess your going to have to it, please don't make me any enemies Nicely."

"Yeah, I'm sorry I aint leaving him alone here"

"Hmph I should've known you wouldn't leave his side but I need you to help me."

"Nathan. I can't I've got to look after him and I can't leave on his own if he's sick, what if he gets worse?"

"Nicely, I can get Adelaide or one of her friends from the Hotbox to do that. They are probably better at looking after sick people than you are"

"No... I dunno, I want to make sure he's fine myself"

Nathan let out a deep sigh. "He'll be fine without you, My games and I won't. I'm going to say goodbye to Adelaide now, I'll her to find Benny a good and _responsible_ babysitter"

"Fine then Nathan."

"Don't you find then me, I'm your boss not your mother." He paused before asking "How did Benny get sick anyway? He's not really the type to get sick."

"I'm not really sure I haven't seen him that much over the past weekend"

Nathan gave him a funny look "Really? You two are pretty much inseparable."

Nicely looked at the ground. "Yeah, I thought so too but he just suddenly started going out in the evenings and drinking an-"

"Drinking!?" Nathan said in an astounded voice.

"Uh huh, I thought it was funny too, he never drinks"

"Nicely, he's been clean off the drink for so long now, how could let him go out and get drunk!?".

"I don't know! I figured that was his business and I'd only step in if things got to out of hand" Nicely said in a panicked voice.

"He was a bloody alcoholic Nicely! you don't let them go back to the drink!"

"He was an alcoholic?" Nicely was confused, he got that Benny didn't drink, he got that Benny had had a rough few years before they had meet but he had never known about the drinking until now.

"Wait, you don't know?" Nathan said disbelievingly.

Nicely shook his head frowning. "Not until now"

"Sue me! He didn't tell you that he was a drunk and in a bloody bad spot until I kicked him out of it so hard that he gave it all up like he was going to be dragged down to hell?"

Nicely shook his head again.

"Well I can't blame him." said Nathan.

Nicely put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. It was turning out that Benny was quite a different person from the happy and cheerful fellow he knew. Why hadn't he told Nicely about the drinking, he deserved to know after all they were best friends. Nicely then remembered all the things he would never tell Benny and mentally kicked himself for assuming that his friend wouldn't have secrets too.

Nathan cleared his throat and recaptured his attention. "Uh Nicely, I'm going to pop out and see Adelaide. You don't need to worry too much about him, the penicillin already bringing down his temperature, he'll be fine. Alright?"

Nicely looked up out of his hands and met Nathan's eye. "alright" he said.

Nathan nodded awkwardly and walked to the door where he paused like he was going to say something, he changed his mind and settled for another awkward nod before leaving and turning the flat as silent as a tomb with the click of the door shutting behind him. Nicely closed his eyes, breathed deeply and counted to ten in his head and then suddenly rushed to stand at Benny's side.

"Benny! Benny! Are you awake?" he asked hurriedly.

Benny "yes" he said groggily. "an' I heard what you an' Nathan were talking about out in the corridor."

"Why didn't you tell me about this alcoholic business? What is going on? What have you done to get you so sick? Why don't I know about all this?" Nicely demanded.

Benny blinked a little and then said in a slightly out of it voice "First off, my business is my own and I don't need to tell you anything. I will tell you this though, which I have already told you; I am just sorting through some stuff!" he turned in his bed so he was facing the wall and away from Nicely.

Nicely sat down at Benny's side "what stuff?" he asked.

"It don't matter, leave me alone"

"Sure, sure if it don't matter why's all this happening? Why the drinking? Why do you avoid me like the plague?" Nicely rubbed Benny's shoulder gently, Benny shrugged him away.

"Can't you just leave me alone"

"No. not until you tell me what is going on"

"Fine then I'll tell you if that's what it takes to get you to leave. Some stuff… from my past has come up which honestly I can't tell you about and do not want to tell you about Nicely" Benny sat up and folded his arms across his chest in defiance against Nicely's onslaught which he was sure was going to come in seconds.

"okay." Said Nicely plainly

"okay?" asked benny. He was confused, Nicely wouldn't normally give up on this so quickly. He had been prepared for a flood of demands for answers so he let his guard down only to be met with…

"yeah okay, I'm that's absolutely fine for you to not tell me but I thought we were friends, I know I can trust you with my secrets I'm sure you can at least tell me what's wrong!" Nicely again felt the edge of guilt in his lie, he couldn't tell Benny everything about him obviously because there were things that could destroy their friendship but he was sure there was nothing Benny couldn't tell him.

Benny gave him a look.

"Benny, come on! You can tell me anything" Nicely pleaded.

Benny continued to give him the look.

"please Benny. I thought we were friends." Nicely pretty much whined.

"I'm not going to tell you Nicely, our friendship could end over this, you're going to hate me for it if I tell you. In fact you'll probably hate me so much that you'll tell everyone about it and make me lose my job, home and friends" Benny pleaded back.

"I won't, I promise I won't, we're best friends and nothing you can say right now is going to change that, besides we pretty much have the same job and house and I'll make sure you'll keep the job and house no matter what."

"You don't even know what the secret is, how can you promise anything like that"

"Come on Benny nothing can be that bad, I'm pretty sure you didn't kill my family or anything, in fact I think I'd be glad in you were the cause for my father's passing."

Benny mind suddenly decided it would be a good idea to be stupid so he found himself yelling "For heaven's sake Nicely I won't tell you nothing. All you do is demand at me to tell you about every little part of my life! I'm not going to fucking tell you alright! I don't want to tell you that I had to move here to New York because my whole town hated me when they found out I was gay."

Nicely was so surprised that he couldn't say anything or stop his face from falling into the shocked expression it was in.

Benny might or might not have noticed but continued anyway "I won't tell you about how I got attacked because one stupid man hated gays too much and thought it would be good to knife me because of that!"

Nicely remembered what breathing was and put a hand over his mouth at this.

Still Benny continued "I won't tell you about the dark nightmares filled with pain at the memory how alcohol numbed the nights but turned the days into the same hell! I won't tell you how I felt trying to give up drinking, how much I hated myself, how many days I spent thinking about how I'd be better off dead than alive! GODDAMMIT NICELY I WANTED TO DIE! Do you really want to know why my will cracked this past weekend? Because I... I… oh god no, no, I'm not going to say any more you hate me enough now I can see it in your eyes!"

"Tell me" Nicely demanded, he had heard the angry sounds and hard harshness of the words coming out of Benny's mouth but he hadn't really heard what had been said.

"No." Benny wouldn't look at him.

"Tell Me!" Nicely was desperate to know why something had to be kept a secret from him.

"No!" This time Benny looked him in the eyes and shook his head.

"TELL ME!" He shouted angrily like a small child that had been told half a story and then had been told to go to bed.

"I DON'T WANT TO!"

"TELL ME BENNY! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THIS MUCH AND STOP! TELL ME!" Nicely screamed at him

"FINE THEN! YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW! I'm running away. Running away from feelings I guess. I was trying to stop anything like this happening. My life was sorted until I suddenly started having bloody stupid feelings for you! I don't know what I know but I guess I love you or something and I guess you hate me now. So sue me nicely! Feel free to hate me if you like! Just please stop asking me questions."

Nicely stood up quickly, his friend had feelings for him and he didn't understand it. Then the truth hit him that his best friend was gay and he just sort of stared and stared at Benny.

"I told you that you would hate me for this" Benny muttered and turned back to the wall.

It really was a rather pathetic action compared to really ought to be a storming out moment but Benny was sick and so Nicely accepted that in his friend's head their argument had ended with Benny storming out. It was of an emotional punch he felt, being stormed out on by someone he had provoked beyond reason.

Nicely heard the front door open, signaling that Nathan was back. "Benny I don't hate you" he said quietly but Benny was ignoring him.

Nathan walked into the room then and looked at Nicely frowning at Benny who was lying on the bed with his back to Nicely and arms crossed in a very aggressive manner.

"Hey are you two alright? I heard some shouting earlier" Nathan asked knowing full well that the truth was no even if he got yes as an answer or no answer at all.

Nicely answered him after a long pause "yeah" he said for Benny's sake "we're just sorting through some stuff".

Nathan beckoned Nicely to come over to his side "Nicely, Adelaide said she was able to get one of her girls to look after Benny for today"

"Any idea who?" he asked.

"No at all. She said that she would come in about two hours. Tomorrow and Thursday Rusty Charlie will come and look after him. I want you to head out the door as soon as this girl gets here and get out there to find me a place for my game, _okay_?" Nathan asked the okay with a sharpness in his voice which bothered Nicely.

"_Okay_ Nathan" Nicely repeated the sharp tone back to his employer.

"Good Nicely that's what I want to here." He smiled widely "and Nicely?"

"Yes Nathan?"

"I not gonna ask no questions about what's going on here but you better not have been yelling at Benny about the alcohol thing"

Nicely looked at the ground. "Yeah I hear you"

Nathan observed the incredibly guilty looking Nicely before speaking again "you did, didn't you? He's sick Nicely, I expected better of you and I can tell that he's mighty upset with you as well. I hope there aren't any bad consequences from this Nicely, I'm saying this as both your friend and your boss."

Nicely continued to look at the ground and nodded. In the last five minutes his world had gone crazy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright heres the dealio: I have not finished this chapter yet. but I'm going away for a week so I wont have time to write and post it next week. it has also been a long time since I last posted a chapter so here have half of it.** **theres not much Bicely content in it and i did get carried away, its already at 4500 ish words and i have a lot more to write so oops and oh well. enjoy what is there so far.  
**

**-rue sue**

As soon as he was able to Nicely grabbed his jacket and ran out the door. The door slammed too hard behind him but he didn't care; he needed to get out, get some air, and clear his head.

He took to the streets, completely ignoring the whole idea that he had work to do and people to talk to. He watched as sightseers saw, rich southern tourists had their valuables stolen and a blind woman looked both ways before she crossed a road. For him this was normal life, New York had its beauty and attraction, its morals that appeared brighter than all the city's lights to almost anyone, Nicely however, knew the underside of the city, a world for the gamblers, after all he worked there with his best friend Benny.

Benny who was gay. Nicely hadn't seen that coming but now thinking about it wasn't too surprised. He realized that shouting at Benny and demanding answers had been a bad decision and that he could've handled it a lot better. Until now he had prided himself on how he was unlike his father and kind to others. Now he was angry at himself for following the footsteps of the person he probably hated the most in the world.

His father had ruined Nicely's childhood in a way. When most men thought back to their younger years they thought of happy things like home cooked meals, birthdays, Christmas morning with stockings and causing trouble with no real consequences. When Nicely though back to his childhood he would remember the fear, sneaking anything past his father and that awful, awful boarding school.

* * *

The problems of his childhood had started when Nicely's mother passed away when he was almost 8 years old. His father was upset and decided to get a fresh start by moving out of their high class apartment in New York City and into a nice, expensive house with a pristine garden in a small town called Sulding. He sent Nicely (who was known as Anthony at the time) off to boarding school. Surprisingly Nicely enjoyed the Foxmount School for Boys. The teachers were kind and there was a surprising lack of violence between the students. Nicely developed well as a person over the 5 years he went there. He developed an interest in performing arts at the school and gained talent through several small plays and concerts which he could participate in. He showed all those around him his love of singing, dancing and his enthusiastic attempts at saxophone until he would get home for the holidays where he would quieten down in fear of what his strict father would say. School reports never reached his father nor even made it home because they showed low marks in Sport, Latin and Math which was what his father wanted him to excel at.

The summer that he was turning 13 was spent like most summer holidays: in Sulding. He found a notice in the window of the grocery store in the main street advertising auditions for a small musical play put on by members of the town which would be rehearsed and performed over the summer. In it there was a role of a comedic young boy who ran around singing and delivering messages which Nicely deemed most suitable for him and so he decided to audition for it. He knew his father would not be pleased to find this out so simply didn't tell him but instead walked into the town hall where the auditions were being held and captured the hearts of everyone in the room. He left the audition almost dancing with excitement and hopefulness.

A week later when the roles were to be announced and the cast notified the postal services which would have delivered the audition results went on strike, instead he was told in person by Joel Gordon, the director's son who waltzed up his path when his father just happened to be out and knocked on his door to tell him he had gotten the role and that rehearsals started the next day.

Nicely decided that he had made the best decision in his life auditioning for the musical, he read through the script in one night and as the rehearsals really kicked in he spent more and more time away from home. His father who had his own things to concentrate on like golf and important business meetings paid him no attention and didn't notice his absence.

In the play Nicely's character's catch phrase was saying "Nicely, Nicely" in response to pretty much anything and soon he adopted the phrase and the director Mrs Gordon nicknamed him Nicely-Nicely because of it. When Nicely wasn't rehearsing he was out somewhere running about and causing mischief with Joel who was already 13. The two formed a good friendship because of their shared love of performing arts and both could be heard singing loudly in the streets like boys often do.

One evening a few weeks before opening night Nicely made his way home after a long day of rehearsing to find his father sitting in his arm chair staring at him as he came through the door into the living room, there was no newspaper or book in his hand like usual but instead an opened letter.

"Anthony Scott Johnson! What the hell is this!?" his father demanded, using his full name and waving the letter angrily.

"What's what?" Nicely asked and then he knew, the postal services must of come off strike and the letter notifying him of him getting the role had arrived. He could tell from his father's expression that he wasn't happy with what his son had decided to do with his spare time.

"This letter here is telling me that you auditioned for a musical and got in, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?" His father demanded angrily.

Nicely just stood there wringing his hands in a nervous fashion. He didn't know how to reply to father.

"Well?!" his father barked.

"Yes" said Nicely meekly

"Yes? Yes what?! Yes isn't a good enough answer for me, I want an explanation!"

Nicely looked at the ground, took a huge breath and then began to speak really quickly "Yes I auditioned for a production without telling you and got in and we have been rehearsing for a while now and I have the role of Young Lou and I sing a song called 'I can keep a secret' and Mrs Gordon says it's very good and I'm doing great"

"Why did you audition for this musical!" His father asked going red in the face.

"I… I wanted to"

"I'm very disappointed son, I was hoping you had joined a summer sports team or something rather than prance about on a stage."

"Sorry father"

"Sorry? I don't think sorry cuts it! I don't want people seeing this show and seeing you singing and dancing and thinking that I've raised my son to become poof!" His father was very angry now and Nicely just couldn't understand why. Was there really anything wrong a guy wanting to act and sing.

"What's so wrong about a guy singing and dancing, there are plenty of guys who sing and you've said before that every man needs to learn how to dance before he can start taking dolls out" Nicely asked.

"How dare you give me cheek like that boy! You know what's wrong with it, you're singing and dancing on a stage like what gays do and that's not how I raised you!"

Nicely felt tears tell in his eyes and blinked them away.

His father continued to speak. "You are going to stop doing this musical right away, do you hear me?"

Nicely paled at the thought of not being able to do the production anymore, the show was less than a month away and just had to do it. "NO FATHER!" he screamed forgetting that there would be consequences for this action.

His father hit him and he ran away to Joel Gordon's house and got Mrs. Gordon to tell his father that Nicely had to continue doing the show while bruises from his father's anger flowered on his arms.

Somehow Mrs Gordon had managed to convince his father to let him continue with the musical but before Nicely's birthday before he went back to school his father found out about performing arts at school and decided that he couldn't let the teachers at his school influence him anymore and moved him to a different boarding school called Gene Olsen's school for young men which was 6 hours away and had a bigger focus on turning boys into 'real men'.

* * *

If there was one thing that Nicely missed about Sulding it was the Gordons. Nicely wondered wherethey were now, was Mrs Gordon still making those apple pies that were so delicious and what was Joel doing, was he was working his way to becoming a successful musician like he'd planned in his childhood. Nicely missed them a lot but he would never go back to that town. Anyway he had a good new life with a good new job and good new friends who were really untrusting of him… which made him nervous. If his best friend was freaked out by what might happen if Nicely found out that he was gay that made Nicely the villain in the scenario, or like the father he had once had

* * *

The process of becoming a 'real man' was hell, Nicely found. He got picked on at school because he was quite little for a 13 year old and he turned to books as a form of comfort. When he came home for Christmas he was met with a father who wouldn't talk to him and several aunts and uncles who had adopted his father's dislike of him. The only difference was that they were slightly more vocal of their dislike of him. The only good thing about that Christmas is that he got to see Joel again. He went back to school and the strange phenomenal process called puberty started making his life a pain. This only caused him more distress as his voice suddenly started getting lower and, for a bit, squeakier and wouldn't settle when he was around the pretty the girls at the neighboring girls' boarding school which was very irritating and embarrassing.

That summer he stayed away from his father as much as possible. This was particularly easy because Joel and his mother were always happy to have him over. He turned 14 just before going back to his hated school.

Christmas brought around the annoying aunts and uncles again and all he heard from his family were questions about when is going to find a doll, his first love. He heard "Is there a special doll that you know" "is there anyone from the school down the road for you?" countless times from his hated relatives or in one particular case from his great aunt Nola "Is there a special guy instead then, some poof you met at one of your little pansy plays" He didn't need this, he hated his great aunt Nola for that.

* * *

Nicely thought about his aunts words now. A special guy. Nicely had been struggling to hold down a good relationship with a doll, he'd be happy for a few weeks and then she'd slip away, or more likely him from her. Benny had stuck with him though, but then again Benny was a pretty special guy.

* * *

Nicely liked dolls and performing wasn't just for gays. That was his attitude until he went back to school and encountered a problem when he was around his classmates, it was just a few questions which span around his head.

_Is it okay that I find my classmates attractive? _

_Do I even find them attractive or was that just… life? _

_If I am gay, is it okay that I like dolls as well?_

He was a bit freaked out by all this and kept to himself even more and concentrated on his studies. Summer came fast and he was able to spend it with Joel.

One night they decided to go and take a tent up into the woods and spend the night away from town. Nicely's father thought this was a great thing for the boys to do

"Why it's something I used to do when I was a juvenile delinquent like you, camping builds boys into men" he said.

Nicely didn't care what sleeping in a tent did to anyone, he just thought that getting away from the world with his best friend was a great idea and he was glad his father didn't try to stop him from doing it.

They carried their camping gear into the forest and set up their tent in a small clearing. They made a small fire and Nicely tried his hand at campfire cooking to find after a few small accidents that it just wasn't his thing. Night fell and he and Joel crawled into their tent. They told each other ghost stories to try and scare each other but just ended up laughing, then in the middle of Nicely telling a story about a ghost that liked cutting off peoples toes and fingers Joel interrupted him.

"Hey Nicely, can I ask you a question?" he said quietly.

"Sure" said Nicely

"What do you uh.. umm… think about….umm uh…. Oh never mind" Joel seemed very nervous.

"Oh spit it out Joel!" Nicely chuckled at his friend's unusual loss for words.

"Do think it's okay to be a homosexual?" Joel blurted suddenly.

"What's a homosexual?"

"Gay"

Nicely stiffened slightly, being gay was fine with him but he didn't want to go to deep into this subject, especially not with his conflicting questions about his school mates that had been plaguing his head all of the school term.

"Oh… okay. I mean yes, yes of course. People can't help being gay, can they?"

"Oh Good" said Joel. "and no they can't"

"Why'd you ask me that?" Nicely had his suspicions but didn't want to vocalize them without being sure of them.

"Because… I have to tell now don't I?"

Nicely nodded.

"Because I'm gay"

"Oh… okay" Nicely was surprised but not stunned, he was glad that his friend trusted him enough to tell him this. He felt suddenly uncomfortable that he wasn't confident enough to tell his friends his own concerns along the same line of thought, or his thoughts about his classmates.

Silence fell over the two of them and then Joel spoke again. "How 'bout you finish that story about that ghost who has a strange love of toes Nicely."

Nicely suddenly started laughing, it diffused the awkwardness which had built up around them. Joel joined his laughing and both became joyful. They talked about life in general, what gay even was, how horrible Nicely's great aunt Nola was and what their favorite foods were until they fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.

* * *

If only Nicely had reacted that same way when he found out that Benny was gay.

What had changed? Him.

How? He had grown older his heart was beginning to die.

That couldn't be right, Nicely wasn't that old, still in his teens in fact.

What had changed him then? Fear. Fear does strange things to people. It was all bottled up inside him ready for the change to express itself, but it had changed from fear to anger and panic. It was time to stop being scared and thinking of the consequences and start acting.

* * *

The rest of that summer flew by far too quickly, Nicely celebrated his 15th birthday and Nicely was forced to go to school yet again. A school ball was announced, it would be the school ball for both his school and the girls' boarding school down the road, this made for a sudden change in the boys behavior to the girls which included: not throwing mud at them, not yelling rude things at them, trying to be gentlemanly and buying a lot of flowers. Nicely wanted to find a doll to take so he started hanging around the small town the boarding schools were by. That was where he met her, a beautiful doll called Irene.

Irene had the most fantastic curly red hair and green eyes and a smile that could light up a room. Nicely met her in the ice cream parlor by stopping an annoying gaggle of boys the year below him from bothering her and her friends, they got talking and found a shared love of music. He then asked her to the ball and she happily accepted. He liked Irene a lot, and it was obvious to him that she liked him back. They started dating and meeting up whenever they could and that it was lovely. They sent each other Christmas presents and over the entire Christmas break Nicely wouldn't stop raving about her to Joel who at least at first pretended to care.

Nicely thought that Christmas would've been okay that year without his extended family making a fuss over his old relationship status but he was wrong. Instead of saying "oh good he's found himself a doll" they said "haha isn't that funny, she must be a pretty desperate doll to settle for a bum like you" and great aunt Nola saying "ha! He's probably just using her as a beard or her using him." he hoped they were joking but he could feel malicious vibes coming off their words and this made him very angry. He threw a fit, yelled a lot and walked out the door to Joel's house where he threw another fit and kicked Joel's bed frame in anger so hard that it got dented. Joel was kind and said all the right things to Nicely until he calmed down enough to go home and get ready to head back to school.

Unfortunately his and Irene's relationship didn't last, only four weeks before summer break began she broke it off saying that it was lovely while it lasted but she felt like she was changing and their relationship didn't mean the same thing now as it did then. Nicely was devastated and it right before exams as well, he just scraped the grade, failing in his Math class. Needless to say his father was not particularly pleased with him that summer as indicated by colorful bruises on Nicely's arms after several bad encounters with him.

* * *

He wondered what Irene was up to as well, hopefully not breaking anyone else's hearts. Nicely had eventually gotten over that break up and the two had talked a bit and had decided to be friends but everyone knows that those kind of friendships just sort of stop over time. Oh goodness was that what was going to happen between him and Benny, saying that they were friends while Benny was that worried about. Nicely didn't want to lose their friendship like that.

* * *

Nicely spent his summer like most summers; with Joel. This summer was different though because there was a large focus on getting Joel a boyfriend without anyone realizing he was gay. It didn't work in anything except in producing plenty of rumors that both Joel and Nicely (his partner in crime) were gay. Joel accepted quietly accepted but did not confirm his portion of the rumors as they were true while Nicely freaked out about his rumors because he was scared his father might hear them. His father did and was very angry even though he was finally convinced that Nicely was curable with a bit of 'manly fighting' which Nicely thought was more him getting beat up than him fighting.

He was 16 for the next year of school and it was awful, he struggled with grades, ridicule over being dumped and stronger feelings and attractionto more of his classmates. Christmas was no better; Joel was visiting his dying grandma in New York City and Nicely's entire extended family had caught onto the notion that he was gay and treated him horribly because of it. He was almost happy to go back to school after that.

But school plummeted like it had never before, his favorite teacher Mr Kerr got the flu and was replaced by Mrs Owens, dubbed by all the students as the teacher from hell. Nicely started truanting and causing a ruckus in the very few classes he did attend. The principal of the school who was a stern but sensible man just wanted him out of school as early as possible and made an agreement to let him sit his final exams three weeks early and go home straight after that.

His father hit him when he got home but Nicely was beyond caring, he just walked out the door went straight to Joel as soon as Joel finished school that day. He told Joel about the school situation and Joel was kind and understanding. The school year finished without Nicely and he spent more time with Joel. He didn't talk to his father for weeks and weeks and even when he saw him on the street acted like he was a stranger. Another thing that was bothering him was Joel, Joel of course was not being a bother but Nicely's feelings towards him were. He and Joel were friends, sure Joel was gay but that didn't stop their friendship. Besides he had dated Irene, he liked dolls he was sure of it… mostly. He and Joel had been sharing a room, they had spent a lot of time around each other and Nicely was somehow noticing all these little things about his friend. The adorable little lock of hair that wouldn't quite sit flat, the light in his bright and attentive brown eyes whenever he talked about something he cared about and most of all Nicely noticed and loved the way that Joel would walk with the confident swagger in his step, it made him feel like he had a friend who could do anything.

Nicely turned 17 and he and Joel went out for a nice birthday dinner. After they had eaten their meals the two went for a walk along the riverside.

"I have to go home to my father after this" said Nicely morosely "he's demanded that I come home, he wants to see me and buy me a bigger uniform before I pack and leave for the next school year"

"I'll take that as his pathetic excuse for him trying to pull you away from me, his most hated enemy, a gay." Joel replied humorously, trying to cheer him up.

A heavy silence grew, it was the type of silence when there is someone who wants to say something but they are not sure if they should. Nicely looked at Joel through the corner of his eyes observing how his friend's neutral expression still had a smile.

"Nicely, I'm sorry that the whole town thinks you're gay and treats you like dirt" said Joel suddenly.

"It's okay Joel, its fine." Nicely said.

"No it's not, your own father hates you for no reason and that shouldn't happen to anyone. You deserve better and its my fault that the town thinks your gay. I should never have pressured you into trying to find me a boyfriend"

"You didn't pressure me; I did it perfectly happily on my own accord and I'd even go as far to say it was quite fun. I just… oh I don't know, him hating me no reason? I don't know …Joel there's something else I just can't get my head my head around"

"What? Tell me, is it anything I can help with?" Joel asked quietly.

"Is it okay for someone to like guys and dolls at the same time or is that completely bonkers?'

Joel looked at him with a slight smile and laughed gently "yeah, people like that are called bisexual, it's not bonkers at all"

Nicely felt a weight lift off his chest, he met Joel's eye and smiled back "well… um… I guess I'm bisexual then" he said.

"That's quite alright with me" Joel said.

They continued their walk in silence, at one point their hands bumped together. Nicely grabbed and held his hand and didn't let go. He was happy that he wasn't bonkers, he was happy that he could like both guys and dolls. They walked up off the path by the river and onto the back roads where they needed to part ways to their respective homes.

"Goodnight Nicely" said Joel, making no effort to let go of his hand.

"Goodnight Joel" said Nicely, turning and looking into his friend's eyes.

It was the perfect night, the moon hung bright in the sky, surrounded by twinkling stars. Moonlight fell to earth to tousle with the boys' hair. Nicely thought that Joel looked absolutely stunning standing there with a smile on his face. Their eyes spoke a thousand words to each other and Nicely stared into those soft brown eyes that were bursting with happiness and felt hope that maybe things wouldn't be so bad this next year. Joel put a hand to his Nicely's face, cupped it and kissed him gently. Nicely quickly melted into kiss and the two parted Nicely met Joel's eyes and suddenly started laughing joyfully. It was the happiest laughter he had laughed for almost a year. Joel started laughing to and he felt like nothing could go wrong. Nicely pressed their foreheads together and continued to laugh softly until he quietened and just stood there in Joel's arms with a big smile on his face.

"Hey Nicely" said Joel "Can I kiss you again?"

"Absolutely, go for it" said Nicely.

Joel brought their lips together again. This kiss was sweeter than the last, slower and more intimate. Nicely sighed into the kiss allowing Joel to push his tongue through his parted lips and explore his mouth. It was the perfect moment until a loud and harsh voice screamed at them from across the road.

"Anthony Scott Johnson! What in the seven hells do you think you are doing" his father roared.

Joel and Nicely sprung apart faster than he could blink.

"Shit" whispered Joel with a horrified expression on his face. "I'm so sorry"

* * *

There it was. Nicely had almost forgotten that it was okay to like guys and now he didn't have his father watching his every move. So why was he hesitant in exploring his feeling for benny?"

**To be continued...**


End file.
